19 minutes

Well I recently started to read all of Jodi Picoult's books...I really love her style of writing and how she gives everyone a chance to say their side of the story. I have so far read Change of heart, and now I'm reading 19 minutes...its amazing what can be done in 19minutes of time. I also have read Plain Truth...but I read that a long time ago so don't rem much of it. 19minutes has me thinking about my past skool year...about stuff that I really don't want to remember...that I want to forget but will never be able to.
One of my sorta friends but sorta just hangs out with the same crowd I hang out with committed suicide during school one day a week before Thanksgiving...That I will never forget. I will never forget how horrible I felt knowing that he had been brave enough to do what I never was brave enough to do. Get out of the awful world around us and go some place where we hope will be better...nicer...I will never forget the fact that I had a crush on him. That I loved the way he smiled. That he was troubled and I couldn't help him. I've talked people out of suicide before...just by being there. I was too shy to be there for him though. Too shy to even talk to him really. He taught me alot and I can NEVER forget him. I miss him so much...and I won't let anyone in my life who would understand and would be able to help me through this. All this time I am suffering because one of my kinda sorta friends had to go through such a big change to make his point known. Just like Peter in 19minutes had to do.
Jake...the kinda sorta friend of mine saved my life because I was on the edge of doing something like that...now I just suffer through everyday wishing that I could but knowing how many people would be hurt from it...knowing that I had to stay behind and protect people from having the fate that Jake had to have. I will use his memory to help others that feel like him. I want to help and I want to make Jake be remembered. I can never forget you Jake...I love you <3