Critiques by Mildred

Have you ever wondered how critical of stories Mildred can be? Have you ever wondered what she really is thinking about a story she reads? Well think no further! This is a critic that she did for a story on Wattpad once.

HELLO :D

So yeah I am gonna review your chapter, like the awesauce person taht I am. *read that like I'm a really big preppy girl....it makes it sound funnier than it really is* Please don't take offense to anything that I say, I'm just trying to help ya out and if you don't want my help, please just ignore this :}

So I'm gonna start with theo ne thing that drives me insane, the way you introduced your character. Firstly it feels rather choppy, and then there's the slight matter of it being a huge paragraph about her! Try spacing it out, like spread that whole paragraph out throughout this chapter or something. Don't just list off her features like you did in that chapter. Also I think that you should go into more depth about her past!

So the fighting bit, I liked it. It was well written with a few grammatical errors that I noticed (I'm not an expert though so I wouldn't know if there are more). It was after the fighting a bit that I found a big error....What happened to the people that hte vampires were attacking? Did they run away? Did they stay there freaking out? What happened to them?

Then there was the whole kissing dealio after the fight. It just seemed really rough. It didn't really flow.

The first paragraph of your whole chapter here, is a really good attention grabber. I like hte way you describe Cassandra like a spider and just your description right there. I think that you could make this whole chapter logner with more descriptions. It would also help it flow a lot better.

Part two: Sorry I have a lot to say and there's a stupid word limit htingy and I just keep talking and yeah....anyway....

Lastly, I already talked about the second to last paragraph, but I'm bringing it up again! The last two paragraph don't fit in. They just feel really out of place to me. It's like you got bored with your writing or something and just decided "Oh I gotta finish this really quickly" Put some more details in, or maybe even just take the paragraphs out with a replacement or something. I don't know....

Your story definitely needs some tweaking, but I really liked it so keep up the work! Don't give up on it bcause it's a great start and I definitely want to read some more of it! :} So keep writing!

~Mildred

PS: I am sorry if you took any of this offensively. I didn't mean it in an offensive way whatsoever! :}