The real issue of Abortion

I normally don't talk about big issues and cannot say that I will write this in a way that will make sense, but this has been weighing on my mind for awhile so I'm going to try here.....
Abortion is obviously a sticky topic, one that no one really wants to discuss. You have to be careful who you talk to about abortion because if they have the opposite view then you probably aren't going to get anywhere on the topic. I don't care whether you're pro-life or pro-choice or somewhere in between, I think we need to face the real issue here. The real issue is not that thousands of babies are murdered everyday, or whether or not it is murder at all. These are issues yes and very major issues, but they aren't the real issue. The real issue is why people are "choosing" to have abortions. People don't go into this thinking, "today I would like to make it so I have to get an abortion". From what I've seen, everyone seems to agree that abortion is horrible and just not a good experience for someone to go through, but what does that say about the other option if people are more willing to have an abortion than go through with the pregnancy? Has having a baby really become such a terrible thing?
I think the real issue is the point where having a baby became a more terrible experience than having an abortion. Surgically altering ourselves is chosen more than having a baby and women still say it was not really a choice to do that. It was a necessity. When did abortions become the better option? We need to focus on making this world a place where the only option some women see is to get an abortion. We need to focus on helping the women not degrading them for choosing abortion.
I truly believe we are focusing on the wrong questions in this whole debate on abortion. I truly believe that we need to focus more on the reasons that abortion is happening not on whether or not it should be illegal or not. The reasons that having a baby is a more terrible experience than having an abortion should definitely be looked at, because no women should only see one option as an option. No women should only hear that people will support them if they chose to have an abortion but not if they chose to have the baby.
Why is having a baby seen as being more harmful than having an abortion?

Serendipity

Gold hair flowing behind her as she ran, Serendipity tried to outrun the mammoth behind her. The door to her safe haven was closed in front of her. Jumping up, Serendipity tried to reach the doorknob, but she was too short. No matter how high she jumped she would never be able to get away from the mammoth in time. Suddenly the floor was swept out from under her causing her to squeal. Soaring through the air, Serendipity threw her arms out like an airplane. The mammoth ran her back up the hallway, moving her about this way and that so she really felt like she was flying. Then the fun was over as the mammoth set her down in her spaceship shaped bed. Serendipity looked up at the mammoth with teary eyes, wanting to play more. However, her father had already removed his mammoth mask, play time was over. He smiled down at her and gave her a kiss before walking out of the room, turning the lights off on his way out. As soon as the lights were off and the door closed, Serendipity began to crawl her way out of bed. Early that day, she had gotten it into her head that the mammoth mask should be put on her neighbor’s dog. Her father never let her near the boxer though, so Serendipity was going on a night mission. No one would ever know it was her that snuck out of the house with her father’s mask in tow. No one would find out she visited with the boxer her father thought was so dangerous.

Running to her open window, Serendipity scrambled out and onto the ground below. She was so glad that her room was on the ground floor. She didn’t have the strength to climb out of the second floor, even though she had more muscles than most girls did at her age of 5. Without pausing at her window to make sure her father hadn’t heard her, Serendipity raced to her neighbors broken down chain-link fence and crawled through the hole that the dog had been making lately. She had to be careful not to break the mask when she crawled under, but she managed to get it through in one piece. The boxer was already waiting for her when she stood up. He loamed over her, growling and showing his teeth. Serendipity just tilted her head at him calmly before hushing him with a simple “Abajo Kilo.” He dropped to the ground and just watched her with wide eyes, no longer threatening her in anyway. Serendipity had watched Kilo’s owner enough times to know that was the down command that stopped any threatening behavior. Smiling at Kilo, Serendipity quickly tied the mask onto Kilo’s face. With one step back from the boxer, Serendipity giggled. He looked so silly with mammoth tusks sticking out of his nose. The mask was designed so the trunk could be removed, and her father never used the mammoth’s trunk. So it just had the tusks and the ears of a mammoth on it, with open holes for the eyes. Whereas most dogs that Serendipity knew would have shaken off the mask immediately, Kilo just stayed where he was, unable to see because of the placement of the eye holes.

A loud bang startled Serendipity out of her giggle fit, and she turned around to look at her house. She could see men searching her room and throwing things about. Serendipity was faintly aware of the mask dropping to the ground as Kilo began growling again. Looking down at him to see him glaring at her house, Serendipity began to feel afraid. She had already given him the down command, she shouldn’t have started acting like a guard dog again until she gave the guard command, vigilar. That was how she had seen his owner turn him from playful puppy into a mean guard dog. Arms went around Serendipity, a hand covering her mouth to prevent her from screaming, without warning. She squirmed about trying to get away, until her captor spoke. “Sere you need to stay really quiet right now,” the voice whispered in her ear. She nodded and the hand was quickly removed from her mouth and she was repositioned to rest on a hip of her captor. Her neighbor had caught her in his yard. There was a tremor in his voice as he quietly walked towards his house, Kilo following behind him. Serendipity could see Kilo looking back every few feet as they approached her neighbor’s house, keeping an eye on the strangers in her house.

Once they were inside her neighbor’s house, he took her right down to the basement and they sat in a windowless room with Kilo lying down at the door, acting the perfect guard dog without being told. “What’s going on Jer?” Serendipity quietly asked her neighbor. He just shook his head, turning on the tv in front of them and putting in one of Serendipity’s favorite movies, Mulan. He was dressed like the horrible neighbor no one would want to live next to again, with a white tank top on and his saggy pants. His bald head was shining in the light and his beard was untamed again. He had the look of a killer, especially in the room they were in. Knives and guns lined one of the walls. He seemed to have a whole arsenal with him. While Serendipity watched the movie, anxiously looking around the room every few minutes, Jer was making phone calls. Her anxiety went up with each phone call he made.

“They took him,” he told one person on the phone. “No, no, I have the girl in the panic room.” All Serendipity could hear of the other person was a panicked voice, she couldn’t make out what exactly the voice was saying. “Of course I didn’t go into their house you bloke. I’m not a complete idiot.” Serendipity tried to focus on Mulan, but she couldn’t do it. Instead she found herself creeping towards Jer, tears in her eyes. “I have to go, just tell me when to sound the alarm.” He snapped his phone shut without waiting for a reply, and slipped it into his pocket.

“I want to go home,” Serendipity stated.

Jer nodded, “How about I tell you what is going on and then we’ll take you home?” Serendipity nodded slowly. Jer picked her up and sat down on the couch in front of Mulan again, Serendipity sitting in his lap. He muted the movie before he began to talk quietly and calmly. “Do you remember your daddy telling you his job is to heal people?” he asked. All Serendipity did in response was nod, staring at him intently like she did not want to miss a single thing. “Well some very bad men want him to heal only their people and be able to help them at all times. They want him to live with them in case they have any emergencies.”

“My daddy told you this?” Serendipity asked. She had always assumed her father hated Jer, even when Jer was allowed to babysit her. Her father was always telling her to stay away from Jer and Kilo and she had never seen them talking.

“Something like that,” Jer nodded. Serendipity glared at him, knowing he was about to leave something out of the story because she was just a little girl. “Okay, okay, I’m a very bad man as well. I’m not as bad as those men though. There are two groups of really bad people in this area of the city right now, both fighting over territory. This area is supposed to be my group’s territory, which is why your father has been living here. He lives right next to me for a little extra safety.”

“Why did those men come into your territory then?” Serendipity asked with a confused look.

“Because they are bad, bad people who won’t take no for an answer.”

“Your territory has to be protected by you though,” Serendipity muttered, still confused.

“Remember I’m in a group of very bad people,” he sighed. “They decided it wasn’t worth protecting your father from the other group. The other group has been trying to get to your father for the past few months now. We couldn’t stop them without giving up our territory bit by bit, so we made a deal. They could have your father if they left our territory alone.”

“They got my daddy because you gave up,” she stated calmly, comprehension dawning on her. “Why am I here then?”

“We never agreed to trade you,” Jer shrugged. “We are going to keep you safe.” Serendipity just glared at him, hopping off his lap and running to the door. Kilo jumped out of her way, not wanting to be stepped on, before trotting behind her. Jer made no move to stop her, letting her run back to her own house as he called the police to report a house fire.

The smell was what Serendipity noticed first as she ran out of Jer’s house. Horror filled her eyes as she watched her house burn. In her preschool they had all learned to never run into a burning building, but Serendipity went running towards the house. Her belongings were burning and she knew without a doubt that if she didn’t get a picture from her room of her and her father, no one would know what he looked like after tonight. Kilo jumped on her right as she was about to climb in her window, preventing her from entering the building. “Abajo,” Serendipity snapped, but Kilo refused to back down. He growled at her, putting himself between her and her burning home. “I need my pictures,” Serendipity cried, trying to get into her house again. Kilo knocked her down again before he jumped into her window. Serendipity stared in shock at the window, wondering why Kilo would jump into a burning building. He wasn’t a stupid dog. That was when a police officer grabbed her and walked her away from the fire to his car. She was told to stay in the backseat until he got a chance to talk with her. Kilo came up to her shortly after that, her box of pictures safely between his teeth.

Setting them on her lap, Kilo licked her face once before bouncing off to Jer, who was watching from his house window looking grim.

The fire fighters were unable to put out the fire soon enough and Serendipity watched it crumble to the ground. Her whole life story was destroyed by the all-consuming fire that Serendipity now felt in her very soul. The fire was eating her alive, wanting revenge on whoever took her father. The police had found a body in the house, so burned that they couldn’t identify the body. Since her father and her were the only ones that lived in the house, the body was declared to be her fathers. That was the end of it and Serendipity was shipped off to a foster home.

~*~*~*~*

The first foster home Serendipity ever stepped into was run by some of the nicest people she had ever met. They called her Dee since she refused to let anyone call her Sere again after the night of the fire. They gave treated her as if she was their daughter and would talk to her about anything. The very first day she was there they sat her down and told her exactly how living with them was going to be. Serendipity thought they were pretty strict at the time, but she quickly learned that they just wanted what was best for her. Living with them caused her to thrive. She stayed with them until high school though. Her foster parents seemed so proud of her being the perfect student and went to all the plays and concerts that she was in. All the award ceremonies where she got award after award. Serendipity was one of the smartest people in her class, which was even at a very prestigious school to get into. Serendipity never thought once about the fact that her foster parents were just that, foster parents. They were a temporary family for her even though she was with them all through elementary school and middle school. She was with them so long, she considered them to be her real family. Jer showed up one day out of the blue though. After years of not seeing him, Serendipity was surprised to find this man sitting on her doorstep waiting for her to get home. He was in his thirties now, but still had the same look as before. However he did look a lot more worn out.

“What do you want?” Serendipity had snapped at him as she unlocked the house door. She did not want her foster parents to see her hanging out with Jer. One of the rules, which she so willingly followed, was no boys were allowed over when they weren’t home. Even if they were home, Serendipity didn’t invite boys over.

“You aren’t safe here anymore Sere,” he sighed, running a hand down his face in frustration. “They found you, and we can’t protect you if you stay here.”

“Don’t call me that,” she hissed at him and slammed the door in his face. That was the last she saw of him, but then one day without warning, Serendipity was removed from that home, leaving everything they had given her behind. All she took with her with a small bag of clothes and her box of pictures. A few weeks after leaving that foster home, Serendipity saw the remains of their house after it had been burned to the ground. Her foster parents were safe, but she wasn’t allowed to talk to them. Her new foster parents were horrible. They drank too much and were rarely home. They didn’t care if she went to school or not as long as the house stayed clean. Her foster siblings and her were the ones that had to do the cleaning. Serendipity still managed to keep her straight As and perfect attendance at a dirty public school instead of the prestigious one that she loved so much, but that couldn’t be said about her foster siblings. They never went to school unless DHS was forcing the foster parents to get them there. She stayed with them for a few months before being transferred somewhere else. That was just the beginning. Young and naïve Serendipity quickly became very aware that the world wasn’t a fair place as she went from one crappy foster home to the next until the day she turned 18. With no money and only her small bag of clothes and box of pictures, Serendipity was kicked out of her final foster home, life on the streets being the only option for her now.

Her week being homeless, she slept on a park bench. That was the night Kilo found her. He just curled up on the ground of  the park bench and kept watch while she slept. She didn’t even know he was there until she woke up the next morning with a cop yelling at her. It was funny that it took a whole week before the cops even noticed that she had been sleeping there. Kilo looked like he was ready to attack the cop and Serendipity had to give the command she had learned so many years ago, “Abajo.”

“Can you not read the no loitering sign?” the cop snapped at her once it was clear Kilo was under control. “And put your dog on a leash!”

“He’s not my dog,” Serendipity muttered, walking away from the cop with Kilo trotting happily behind her. For the rest of the day, she tried everything to get Kilo to leave her alone. She locked him in a dog park as a last resort, but a few minutes later he was trotting behind her again. When the sun was about to set again, Serendipity was starving, having not eaten all day, but she had no food. “Comida,” she muttered at Kilo, knowing he could find his own food and if he was going to stay with her he might as well stay fed. That was the first time she got him to leave her and without him around, she began asking people on the streets if they would give her food. She was in the bad part of the city by then and eventually gave up looking for food, instead looking for a seemingly safe place to sleep. Kilo found her shortly after she found an empty alley that had fire escape stairs on it. She climbed up to the roof of the building and fell asleep. Serendipity never questioned how Kilo managed to get on the roof with her, figuring he had jumped from object to object until he could jump high enough to get on the stairs.

This time it was in the middle of the night when Serendipity was awoken by Kilo’s growling. When she raised her head, a flashlight shone in her eyes, preventing her from seeing who stood before her. “Lady call off your dog,” a male voice snapped at her.

“Why should I?” she replied groggily, rubbing her eyes in confusion.

“Do you want to eat?” he snapped back at her.

“Are you willing to feed me?” Serendipity inquired. She began to pet Kilo, who wasn’t even growling anymore. He had stopped almost as soon as Serendipity had woken up, just growling long enough to warn her someone was here and keep them from coming any closer.

“Why would I climb onto this rooftop if I wasn’t going to feed you?”

“If looked like a good place to sleep to me. You probably came up here to sleep as well.” With a frustrated sigh, he plopped down on the ground about 10 feet away from her and set the flashlight down so it was shining on neither of them. With that dim light, Serendipity could see him more clearly. He was in a business suit, with his hair slicked back. Almost immediately she could tell that his hair would look better if it wasn’t slicked back, but she wouldn’t tell him that. He looked like a perfect gentleman, ready to go to a business dinner or something. “Why are you here?” she asked, really confused now.

“To feed you,” he stated as if it was obvious. In his hands, Serendipity could see that he had a large Papa John’s pizza. She could smell the goey deliciousness of the pizza from where she sat and scooted slightly closer to the man unconsciously.

“How did you know I was up here?” she suspiciously asked, eyeing the pizza when he opened the box up.

“I watched you climb up the side of my building. Oh and there are video cameras up here,” he smiled, waiting for her to reply. It was too dark for Serendipity to see if what he was saying was the truth. She hadn’t seen any cameras when she had climbed up here, but then again the sun had been almost all the way down by the time she had climbed up here.

“Fine you can feed me,” Serendipity sighed, glaring at him. She figured she might as well accept the meal that was being offered, since her stomach was growling so loudly anyway. He probably could hear it even though he was sitting 10 feet away. “Kilo fetch,” she whispered so the man couldn’t hear. Kilo trotted over to him and took the pizza box right out of his hands, growling when the man tried to keep a hold of it.

“Not the nicest way to accept food being offered to you,” the man tsked, but released the food. While Kilo trotted back to Serendipity, she watched the man scoot closer while Kilo’s back was turned. She smiled in amusement when he stopped moving soon as Kilo sat down facing him again.

“Scared of my dog?” she teased, taking a big bite of pizza. She moaned when the taste hit her taste buds. The pizza was probably the  best thing she had ever eaten in a long time. Then again, she hadn’t eaten a real meal in almost a week.

“Haven’t eaten recently?” the man chuckled, again moving slightly closer. He was close enough now that he could grab a slice of pizza from the box. Kilo growled at him, but made no move to stop him from taking a slice. 

"We don’t know if Elliot Rodger was mentally ill. We don’t know if he was a “madman.” We do know that he was desperately lonely and unhappy, and that the Men’s Rights Movement convinced him that his loneliness and unhappiness was intentionally caused by women.
Because this is what the Men’s Rights Movement does: it spreads misogyny, it spreads violence, and most of all it spreads a sense of entitlement towards women’s bodies.
Pretending that this is the a rare act perpetrated by a “crazy” person is disingenuous and also does nothing to address the threat of violence that women face every day. We can’t just write this one off – we need to talk about all of the fucked up parts of our culture, especially the movements that teach men that they have the right to dominate and intimidate and violate women, that lead to this, and we need to change things. Because if we don’t, I guarantee that this will happen again. And again. And again."

—

Elliot Rodger And Men Who Hate Women (via fucknosexistcostumes)

The Darkness

Darkness consumed me again. I’m not really sure when it happened or even why. I just know that I am now fighting an endless war where I am on the losing side. Sometimes I fought on the winning side, but today I am on the losing side. I am been for a while now. I’m not really sure how long I have been losing. I just want out of this life. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t know how to hold on anymore. I lost myself on the way and there is no going back now. This weather is not helping. It’s supposed to cause higher suicide rates you know. February is the highest month for suicides. Not that I’m thinking about that. I just know this fact is all. I probably should get back on my anti-dees since fighting it alone is not working anymore. I don’t like the way that anti-dees make me feel though. I just want to lose myself in a story and never return to the real world. Fantasy is better than being here. Anything is better than being here.

No one understands the pain that I feel or the ups and downs that I go through each day. Some days I am winning my battle while other days I am losing. My battle never ends though. There is always a part of me that has not fully pulled free of the darkness. I am always shrouded in the shadows. I can be surrounded by people and not even notice. That is how horrible the darkness is. No matter how many people are around me, I am alone in my battle. No one can help me win this battle. I am on my own.  Now more than ever I wish that this battle was over. I don’t even care anymore if I lose or win the battle. I just want to end. More than anything, I just want it to be okay for once. 

Dem Feels

http://thefreethoughtproject.com/guys-wife-cancer-unforgettable-3-photos-destroyed-me/

It may take a few times to actually get to the story, I couldn't get to it until the third attempt.

 The face of cancer is shown through a woman fighting breast cancer.

Caring.

Today I was told I don't care about people....

My roommate told the person who said it that it was mean to say and her response was that it was true.

I'm going to go cry now....

The only problem is that crying doesn't ease the pain for me...

NaNoWriMo Prologue.

Every teenager looks forward to their 18^th birthday, coming of age, being an adult. It is a very important milestone in life. But there are some children that absolutely dread their 18^th birthday. Almost 25,000 children each year don’t have parents to support them after the age of 18, which is sad because it is said that children aren’t completely independent from their parents until they are 34 years old. These would be the 25,000 children that have aged out of the foster care system. So what happened on the day our blonde friend, Gaia, aged out of the foster care system? She was kicked out of her foster home and only had one place to go…the gang next door.

~if you want to read more check out my wattpad! It's called "Perks of a Mafia Leader"

Are you ready for NaNoWriMo?

This describes me perfectly.

Soteriophobia is a word that describes a person who refuses to get too attached to people out of fear of being disappointed.

Having Issues

I was doing so well over the weekend, because one of my annoying friends was gone. I'm worried about our relationship. Last time I was friends with someone who made me feel like crap, I completely stopped talking to which has had me filled with regret ever since. I don't think I can handle the situation any other way though....I still feel like that is the best way to handle situations like that, even though I feel guilty about it later on.
Anyway, she took my chair today while I was in class. I'm fine with her using it while I'm not in the room, but I want to use it now. I suck at sharing I know....but this is just giving me a reason why I can't do any homework because she has my chair. What annoys me the most is she hasn't even asked if I wanted my chair back. She just snapped at me and is all pissy. There is a reason I hate hanging out with girls. I need to make some guy friends -.-

Comparing Things

I'm great at comparing things, mostly by telling their differences not their similarities, but if you want me to tell you the similarities/differences of a poem, there is no way I can do it. I don't understand poetry to begin with, so I can't tell you what each poem even means, but then add in the fact that I have to compare them and I'm completely stumped. That's what I have to do with my Critical Writing class for tomorrow, and I'm not sure what to write how what the poems mean. They are too modern for there to be an analysis online, so it is all on me to figure out. Thanks so much google, you failed me. -.-

Crocheting

My hands have been drying out because of all the cold weather that we've been getting here, so I decided I was going to do something about it. Of course that meant I got to make gloves for myself. They don't look too terribly bad, even though I made them a bit bigger than I normally make these kinds of gloves. I wanted my knuckles to be covered though, otherwise there would be no point to them. So that's what they look like. I made myself a purple hat to go with the gloves as well since I didn't have a hat either. Good thing I know how to crochet, or college life would be so much colder for me!

Intervention

There was an intervention today for me.... I walked passed a table that had a few of my friends there at brunch and they made me sit down. They told me I had to stop talking to this kid I've been talking to, which is funny because I stopped talking to him on my own. I got bored of him... Anyway they told me he was a sketchy guy, a drug dealer, not someone you would want to be alone with. I was told not to be hanging out with him or I would die, be killed, and get raped...I believe they decided it would happen in that order as well. They told me if I didn't stop talking to him someone would end up dead, and they didn't want it to be me so it would have to be the guy.
Then one of them didn't want to go to Walmart with the others so he ended up hanging out in my room. He came in claiming that he had killed the guy (he didn't mind you). He just says hilarious things....

But anyway, an intervention was held for me today....

A Stab in the Dark Cover

Blogger >:o

I don't understand blogger! I've only been using it for what two, three years now and I don't understand it....

Stupid blogger makes my text shaded and impossible to read without any explanation. Every time I copy and paste something it happens....For example...

In relation to my last post, I have this "People who are constantly suffering from emotional wounds tend to easily get annoyed with others for no apparent reason."

And then if I keep writing after I copy and paste something, that stuff gets highlighted/shaded as well! what is wrong with this thing....

Slipping

I'm slipping up. One of my friends has gotten too comfortable with me and by golly does it annoy me. I don't want to seem like the bitch of our friend group, but everything she does has been annoying the hell out of me.

Today I retweeted "People are generally mistaken for rude or unkind simply because they have a low tolerance for those who no longer deserve their energy." And her response to that was that is exactly how she feels when she's talking to me. I don't know how I feel about that, but it annoyed me. 

Then there was yesterday when she decided it was perfectly acceptable to pop my bubble, lean over me, and grab my food without even asking if she could have any. She just assumed she could. Sort of like she almost threw a fit because I was eating my pretzel sticks and I didn't give her one. I don't share my pretzel rods -.- They are my means of existence and yet she almost threw a fit. I had to give her one just to get her to shut up. I know I probably sound like a horrible person because I don't share my food. But I do. You have to realize that normally my friends/roommate eats more of the food that I have than I do. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of because everyone wants food from me.

Today she also decided that it was perfectly acceptable to be messing around on my laptop while I'm using it. She kept switching tabs that I was on and scrolling down when I was in the middle of reading things. She had her own laptop open, but of course she can't just use her laptop to look at stuff. Sometimes I don't want people to know everything and yet there she was watching me scroll through twitter and facebook and the news. I don't know about y'all, but I have a huge problem with people touching my electronics. I have an even huger problem when they are preventing me from doing what I am attempting to do because they are messing with my electronics!

She also always seems to be complaining. Don't get me wrong, I complain all the time, it's just she has been getting on my nerves lately so the complaining is bothering me more and more. She keeps complaining her hips hurt because she went running and her knees hurt because of her sax case. I got it the first time!

Then she yelled at me today because I kept saying "what?" I couldn't hear what she was saying! Half the time she was mumbling and the other half there was loud noises everywhere. I annoyed her with not being able to hear so she yelled at me and made me feel really stupid because I couldn't hear her!

At dinner yesterday she also told the people we ate with that sometimes she has to force me to eat. She has never forced me to eat a day in my life! Sure I don't eat as much as everyone else but that doesn't mean I need to be forced. The fact that my eating habits were brought up at all really bugs me. I hate when people talk about what I eat. I am perfectly aware of what I eat and when I eat. I don't need anyone telling me to eat or not to eat!

Anyway, my mind is slipping back into it's deep depression. I can't seem to stop it and my pushy friend is not helping me at all.

Being a 4-h'er

I'm not even in 4-h anymore and I still plan my summer vacations around fair. Then again my siblings are still in 4-h and I'm not really the one that is planning the vacations. I would must rather be at fair than on vacation though! I love fair :)

I am Bodily Gifted.

That is all I'm going to say.

Deep Words of Thought *stolen from a status*

"How can someone love me. When I don't even love me?"

That's a nice quote.. Isn't it? Not really.. But.. Guess what? Someone does love you.. I'm sure more than one person loves you. So you know what? Stop wondering how others can possibly love you. There's a reason they do. You don't know/can't understand that reason? Find it out or understand it. The sooner you do, the sooner you'll start to love yourself. Face it, we don't like something about ourselves. Everyone does, it's a fact. Change it if it bothers you that much, but, no matter what you do you won't please everyone. So just listen to the people that love you, no matter what. They love you for a reason.
That reason?
You're you.
You're the only one of you. You're unique already by just being you. Others are similar, but not you.
You got a life to live. Live it being happy or being sad. I'd suggest living it being happy.
I found a reason of being happy. Someone very special to me loves me. They love me even though I can't understand it. I can't grasp it. I'm trying to. I might never know. But they love me. For some reason they love me. I'm happy because of that.

Someone loves you too...
So just be you.