Dem Feels

http://thefreethoughtproject.com/guys-wife-cancer-unforgettable-3-photos-destroyed-me/

It may take a few times to actually get to the story, I couldn't get to it until the third attempt.

 The face of cancer is shown through a woman fighting breast cancer.

Caring.

Today I was told I don't care about people....

My roommate told the person who said it that it was mean to say and her response was that it was true.

I'm going to go cry now....

The only problem is that crying doesn't ease the pain for me...

NaNoWriMo Prologue.

Every teenager looks forward to their 18^th birthday, coming of age, being an adult. It is a very important milestone in life. But there are some children that absolutely dread their 18^th birthday. Almost 25,000 children each year don’t have parents to support them after the age of 18, which is sad because it is said that children aren’t completely independent from their parents until they are 34 years old. These would be the 25,000 children that have aged out of the foster care system. So what happened on the day our blonde friend, Gaia, aged out of the foster care system? She was kicked out of her foster home and only had one place to go…the gang next door.

~if you want to read more check out my wattpad! It's called "Perks of a Mafia Leader"

Are you ready for NaNoWriMo?

This describes me perfectly.

Soteriophobia is a word that describes a person who refuses to get too attached to people out of fear of being disappointed.

Having Issues

I was doing so well over the weekend, because one of my annoying friends was gone. I'm worried about our relationship. Last time I was friends with someone who made me feel like crap, I completely stopped talking to which has had me filled with regret ever since. I don't think I can handle the situation any other way though....I still feel like that is the best way to handle situations like that, even though I feel guilty about it later on.
Anyway, she took my chair today while I was in class. I'm fine with her using it while I'm not in the room, but I want to use it now. I suck at sharing I know....but this is just giving me a reason why I can't do any homework because she has my chair. What annoys me the most is she hasn't even asked if I wanted my chair back. She just snapped at me and is all pissy. There is a reason I hate hanging out with girls. I need to make some guy friends -.-

Comparing Things

I'm great at comparing things, mostly by telling their differences not their similarities, but if you want me to tell you the similarities/differences of a poem, there is no way I can do it. I don't understand poetry to begin with, so I can't tell you what each poem even means, but then add in the fact that I have to compare them and I'm completely stumped. That's what I have to do with my Critical Writing class for tomorrow, and I'm not sure what to write how what the poems mean. They are too modern for there to be an analysis online, so it is all on me to figure out. Thanks so much google, you failed me. -.-

Crocheting

My hands have been drying out because of all the cold weather that we've been getting here, so I decided I was going to do something about it. Of course that meant I got to make gloves for myself. They don't look too terribly bad, even though I made them a bit bigger than I normally make these kinds of gloves. I wanted my knuckles to be covered though, otherwise there would be no point to them. So that's what they look like. I made myself a purple hat to go with the gloves as well since I didn't have a hat either. Good thing I know how to crochet, or college life would be so much colder for me!

Intervention

There was an intervention today for me.... I walked passed a table that had a few of my friends there at brunch and they made me sit down. They told me I had to stop talking to this kid I've been talking to, which is funny because I stopped talking to him on my own. I got bored of him... Anyway they told me he was a sketchy guy, a drug dealer, not someone you would want to be alone with. I was told not to be hanging out with him or I would die, be killed, and get raped...I believe they decided it would happen in that order as well. They told me if I didn't stop talking to him someone would end up dead, and they didn't want it to be me so it would have to be the guy.
Then one of them didn't want to go to Walmart with the others so he ended up hanging out in my room. He came in claiming that he had killed the guy (he didn't mind you). He just says hilarious things....

But anyway, an intervention was held for me today....

A Stab in the Dark Cover

Blogger >:o

I don't understand blogger! I've only been using it for what two, three years now and I don't understand it....

Stupid blogger makes my text shaded and impossible to read without any explanation. Every time I copy and paste something it happens....For example...

In relation to my last post, I have this "People who are constantly suffering from emotional wounds tend to easily get annoyed with others for no apparent reason."

And then if I keep writing after I copy and paste something, that stuff gets highlighted/shaded as well! what is wrong with this thing....

Slipping

I'm slipping up. One of my friends has gotten too comfortable with me and by golly does it annoy me. I don't want to seem like the bitch of our friend group, but everything she does has been annoying the hell out of me.

Today I retweeted "People are generally mistaken for rude or unkind simply because they have a low tolerance for those who no longer deserve their energy." And her response to that was that is exactly how she feels when she's talking to me. I don't know how I feel about that, but it annoyed me. 

Then there was yesterday when she decided it was perfectly acceptable to pop my bubble, lean over me, and grab my food without even asking if she could have any. She just assumed she could. Sort of like she almost threw a fit because I was eating my pretzel sticks and I didn't give her one. I don't share my pretzel rods -.- They are my means of existence and yet she almost threw a fit. I had to give her one just to get her to shut up. I know I probably sound like a horrible person because I don't share my food. But I do. You have to realize that normally my friends/roommate eats more of the food that I have than I do. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of because everyone wants food from me.

Today she also decided that it was perfectly acceptable to be messing around on my laptop while I'm using it. She kept switching tabs that I was on and scrolling down when I was in the middle of reading things. She had her own laptop open, but of course she can't just use her laptop to look at stuff. Sometimes I don't want people to know everything and yet there she was watching me scroll through twitter and facebook and the news. I don't know about y'all, but I have a huge problem with people touching my electronics. I have an even huger problem when they are preventing me from doing what I am attempting to do because they are messing with my electronics!

She also always seems to be complaining. Don't get me wrong, I complain all the time, it's just she has been getting on my nerves lately so the complaining is bothering me more and more. She keeps complaining her hips hurt because she went running and her knees hurt because of her sax case. I got it the first time!

Then she yelled at me today because I kept saying "what?" I couldn't hear what she was saying! Half the time she was mumbling and the other half there was loud noises everywhere. I annoyed her with not being able to hear so she yelled at me and made me feel really stupid because I couldn't hear her!

At dinner yesterday she also told the people we ate with that sometimes she has to force me to eat. She has never forced me to eat a day in my life! Sure I don't eat as much as everyone else but that doesn't mean I need to be forced. The fact that my eating habits were brought up at all really bugs me. I hate when people talk about what I eat. I am perfectly aware of what I eat and when I eat. I don't need anyone telling me to eat or not to eat!

Anyway, my mind is slipping back into it's deep depression. I can't seem to stop it and my pushy friend is not helping me at all.

Being a 4-h'er

I'm not even in 4-h anymore and I still plan my summer vacations around fair. Then again my siblings are still in 4-h and I'm not really the one that is planning the vacations. I would must rather be at fair than on vacation though! I love fair :)

I am Bodily Gifted.

That is all I'm going to say.

Deep Words of Thought *stolen from a status*

"How can someone love me. When I don't even love me?"

That's a nice quote.. Isn't it? Not really.. But.. Guess what? Someone does love you.. I'm sure more than one person loves you. So you know what? Stop wondering how others can possibly love you. There's a reason they do. You don't know/can't understand that reason? Find it out or understand it. The sooner you do, the sooner you'll start to love yourself. Face it, we don't like something about ourselves. Everyone does, it's a fact. Change it if it bothers you that much, but, no matter what you do you won't please everyone. So just listen to the people that love you, no matter what. They love you for a reason.
That reason?
You're you.
You're the only one of you. You're unique already by just being you. Others are similar, but not you.
You got a life to live. Live it being happy or being sad. I'd suggest living it being happy.
I found a reason of being happy. Someone very special to me loves me. They love me even though I can't understand it. I can't grasp it. I'm trying to. I might never know. But they love me. For some reason they love me. I'm happy because of that.

Someone loves you too...
So just be you.

In order to Heal.

The picture makes it sound so easy to do. I mean I could probably let go of past hurts pretty easily and forgive those who have wronged me. It is the forgiving myself for my mistakes that I don't think I can ever do. I've made some big mistakes in my life and they haunt me every day, I don't know if I would let go of them now. They have become a part of me in the present now instead of staying in the past.

One Of Those Days

I probably have said this before, but in case you missed it. I have social anxiety disorder.

So today is the homecoming game for my college. My friends and I went to get food in the cafe only to find the cafe was only serving food at the tailgating party. I'm having issues with my stomach this morning. It hurts like hell, so going to the cafe was a bit much for me. I don't want to be around people today, but of course I will be around people all day. Anyway so they wanted to go get food, so I told them I wasn't going with them to this stupid tailgating party. Immediately one of them starts harassing me about how I should go and she would probably be having anxiety attacks too from being there. I don't think she gets it though. I don't like having anxiety attacks and I know my limits. Today I will more than likely have a few anxiety attacks because I can't avoid them. I am going to avoid them for as long as I possibly can though! There is no point in putting myself through anxiety attacks when I can easily avoid the situation.

I'm pissed off that my friends have made me feel guilty for not being able to go to the tailgating party. It isn't my fault I can't control my anxiety levels! I don't like feeling guilty for things that shouldn't be my fault. Now this moment is going to always be playing in my mind as the moment I disappointed them. I hate it -.-

I don't get it....who is this person?